Thoughts meander like the restless wind inside a letter box

Shady has a friend over this weekend! We are dogsitting Denise's dog Mailei. It was an adventure trying to walk the two of them this morning. Even though they are the same age (Shady will be 11 next Saturday!), Mailei walks sooo much faster than Shady! She was basically running circles around us. It is fun having her here though.

It's been a busy couple of weeks. I'm trying to refinance which means it feels like I have been buried in paperwork, but I think we will be closing soon. That will be good. Shady is doing ok... her insulin dosage has been increased twice since the last update... her lows are getting better, but the highs are still pretty high. So we are going to try the new dosage until Friday and then the vet will re-evaluate. It's encouraging though that they think the insulin is working enough to keep trying it rather than testing for other illnesses.


Katie was just here visiting and we had a good time even though it felt like she was only here for 12 minutes. She got here Thursday afternoon. We went for a run in the park, then went to dinner at The Oceanic, her favorite seafood restaurant. Friday we worked most of the day, then went to Tom's show at BlackHorn that night. Nicole, Greg, Denise, Erin, Nate, Tara, Dmeza, Scott and Jeremy all came too. It was a fun night. We stayed out much too late and then Katie had to pick up her rental car at 8 am Sat., she drove to Winston-Salem to see her parents, then was on to Charlotte to see her brand-new week-old niece Ashlynn who is absolutely freaking adorable! So while I wish she could have stayed longer, I know she was DYING to go see Ashlynn, and I will take whatever I can get. Now it's my turn to go see her in Atlanta... hopefully we won't have to go 9 months before seeing each other again!

Yesterday I had all these plans to get this work done... booking shows, submitting Tom to festivals, putting together media kits and creating an EPK (electronic press kit). However I got nothing done... we started watching The Wire and there was no hope of me getting anything done after that. That show is just really amazing -- honestly the best show on TV. The final season is on right now. Why is it that all of the best shows never last, esp. on HBO? Arrested Development, Deadwood, Extras, Rome, now The Wire.

So now today I have to make up for all the time I wasted yesterday. I've got two snoring dogs laying at my feet, a snoring husband in the bedroom, and I just started reading Love in the Time of Cholera. This could be challenging...

P.S. Nicole and Greg are engaged!!! I am soooo excited for them. When you are in their presence, you can't help but feel true love all around. Congratulations to you two!!

Painting without colors tends to make it better.

So I found a really informative site about Cushing's in dogs. I want to learn as much as I can about it. I am trying to be optimistic, but after 3 full days of testing Shady at home, the insulin still doesn't seem to be helping much. So I am trying to be realistic while also being optimistic. We'll see how the next couple of days go and what the vet decides, but I have a feeling we'll be doing more tests this week. If you're at all interested in learning about Cushing's, you can read it here.

Tom and I and Kristine and Mike went to the movies yesterday to see Juno. If you haven't seen it yet, you should go ASAP. It was so good. I really needed to laugh and even though the movie deals with a somewhat serious subject matter, it is completely freaking funny. And of course it stars two of the Bluths, so that just makes it worthwhile right there.

I also just downloaded the soundtrack from iTunes. The music was so great. Just take my word for it.

Jayla is starting dance class on Tuesday! I am really excited about this, because the girl obviously has talent (if you haven't seen her Dirty Dancing video yet, you need to go watch it now.

Tom's in Raleigh tonight playing at Amra's. I always wish I could go to his shows there with him, but he gets home around 3 am and it makes for a very long day for me on Monday after only getting a few hours of sleep. I used to be able to do that when I was in college... seriously, I might have gotten 8 hours of sleep once during my whole four years of college. Oh, how things have changed.

Whittaker Bay, the show that will be featuring some of Tom's music, premiered on WGN last weekend. We recorded it and watched it the other day. I'm not going to comment on the show... not really because I don't want to, but I had a hard time following the plot. I think the 5th episode will be the first one with Tom's music on it. I'll keep you guys updated.

The crown you've placed upon my head feels too heavy now.

Shady was at the vet again all day today. They tested her blood sugar at different times of the day, doing what is called a curve. She is up to 20 units twice a day (double her initial dose) and her levels were still off the charts. She was sent home and we are to try giving her 20 units twice a day and testing her regularly and keeping a chart of all of the information. After a week of doing this we're supposed to let them know what we've found out and see what they think. If she hasn't improved, they are going to do testing for Cushing's. I am trying hard to not be discouraged but it's hard when it doesn't seem to be helping at all. I would do anything I could for Shady, anything in the world, but unfortunately I don't have endless money. I am worried that even if or when they find out what's wrong, that I won't be able to afford to fix whatever it is. But I'm still hoping for the best because that's all you can do. Now I have to get used to all of the shots and pricking and blood and testing. I found one helpful website today though that I'm sure I will be checking a lot... www.caninediabetes.org. I made the mistake of reading the pet stories today and was bawling at work. I should have known better.

You'll dream about somewhere, a smoke will fill the air.

I was not happy when my alarm went off this morning. First of all because I haven't slept well in a few days and I am exhausted. But also because I almost NEVER have good dreams. But last night I did... anyone who knows me knows about my love for Dave Grohl. Love might be an understatement. Anyway, I dreamt last night that I went to a Foo Fighters conference in Bahrain. The first class I went to was something really boring that no one else wanted to go to, but I'd heard that DG was going to be making an appearance, so I went to that one. Before class started, two other people at the conference decided to get married, so everyone was outside at their wedding by the Indian Ocean. I remember looking at the ocean during the wedding and noticing that the waves were crashing in every direction, not just one like in normal oceans. So then we go back inside for class and we're waiting for it to start. I'm in the very back of the room looking at the stuff in the merch store. I was looking at a FF calendar and talking to my friend Reanna who all of a sudden was there, when DG himself walks in. I grab his arm and start acting like an obsessed fan, asking him if I can get my picture taken with him after class, if I can get his autograph... and he says "Sure!" Then he says that he'd really like to talk to me more, and can we stay up all night talking and drinking cheap wine? While he's saying this, he picks me up and kinda carries me. I kissed him on the cheek and said that I didn't think his wife would like that. Then my alarm goes off.

Such a beautiful kiss in the face of fear.

I took Shady to the vet this morning. They wanted to keep her all day and do more tests to see if her insulin dosage needed to be increased. I had a feeling that the dosage would have to be increased because she has been drinking soooooo much water. Well the insulin isn't helping her at all. Her blood sugar was actually higher than it was last time they tested her, even after giving her a slightly higher dosage than usual. So they want her to come back tomorrow and test her some more. They said it could be that she just needs a higher dosage, or a different type of insulin. It could also be that she has a disease in addition to diabetes which prevents her body from absorbing the insulin, possibly Cushing's. They said it could take 2 or 3 weeks of tests and stuff to figure out what's going on. I really hope that all she needs is just a higher dosage. So hopefully we'll get good news tomorrow afternoon.

happy birthday

to Jayla! She is 3 today. I can't believe she is only 3 and already 3. I can't really remember what life was like before she was born, so in that sense it seems like she has been here forever. Then on the other hand it seems like only yesterday. I have been debating staying here instead of going to her birthday party, but Tom will be staying in Wilmington for his show (Friday night at Black Horn), and he will take good care of Shady while I am gone. And I could use the distraction... I'm sure I'll have some pictures to post when I get back.

Winter weather is finally here, for a few minutes at least. Yesterday and today were in the 40s, but it's getting back up near 70 in a few days. You never know what to expect with NC weather sometimes!

And i'll be awful sometimes, weakened to my knees...

... and I'll learn to get by on the little victories.

Finally home from Shady's vet appt... she had an infection and they also confirmed what they had suspected for a while, that she is diabetic. Her blood sugar was extremely high... normal high is 143(per ML or MG or something), and hers was 415. So we have to start injecting her with insulin twice a day. I feel really sad about it right now but I hope she will be ok. I mean, she will be ok. She has to be. That's all there is to it.

This'll be the year that we won't forget.

It's Jan. 1 and I just went running, outside, in a tank top and shorts. It is 65 degrees out and SO nice. I love Wilmington weather sometimes... mostly in the winter. If only I could migrate north for the summers I would be okay.

Shady is sick right now and I feel so bad for her. The vet called in a prescription for antibiotics for her until they can see her tomorrow. :( Until then I will just pet her and hope that helps a little. I feel so helpless.

Anyway, happy new year! If you're a resolution-making type of person, good luck with your goals. I personally am not a fan of resolutions... but if I were going to make one, it would be this:

My New Year's resolution is to get at least 13 hours of sleep a night, regardless of what sort of job or family or life commitments I have, but to really be consistent about that.

!!!